In a sensational twist of events reminiscent of a daytime soap opera, Candace Owens, the fiery conservative commentator, has declared she will unleash the legal hounds on none other than Whoopi Goldberg. Claiming she’s had enough of what she deems as Goldberg’s “wild lies,” Owens vows to slap a hefty lawsuit on the actress-turned-talk-show-host faster than you can say “courtroom drama.”

In a statement that could rival any Shakespearean soliloquy, Owens declared, “I shall not suffer these slanderous affronts! Whoopi, thou hast crossed the Rubicon of decency, and thus, I shall wield the sword of justice upon thee!”

Goldberg, known for her quick wit and sharp tongue, has yet to respond publicly. However, sources close to “The View” suggest she’s preparing for battle, sharpening her verbal arsenal for a potential showdown in the court of law.

As the drama unfolds, viewers and legal enthusiasts alike eagerly await the next chapter in this epic saga of dueling divas. Who will emerge victorious in this clash of titans? Only time, and perhaps a judge or two, will tell. Stay tuned for the next episode of “Law & Order: Celebrity Feud Unit.”